reflections, week 19

a day late because of permanent residency interview shenanigans with my husband (please send your thoughts, prayers, and offerings so he gets approved!!!), but here are some thoughts on my goals for the year:

write something every day (except Shabbat). I’ve done some really good writing lately—but there hasn’t been a lot of time to write. a part of that is that my final course for my doctoral program (!!!!!) ended last Sunday and I was focused on it, and part is just that things have been wild both on a personal and professional level. the thing that most shows how little time I’ve dedicated to this is that I’ve really fallen behind on my bullet journal. if I can’t find the time to sit down and update my bullet journal for a few minutes every day, then I’m definitely struggling to find time to write with any sort of intentionality. that said, I do have some voice recordings from my commute to and from job #2 that I’m hoping to type up this week to get myself in more of a writing groove.

be better about money. this took a bit of a hit this past week because I’m using some of my summer money to take care of some things that needed replacing at home as well as requesting a new passport which my married name (yes, almost a whole year later, I just didn’t want to be passport-less during the immigration evidence review process). I’m still in a better place for the summer than I was last year—but the bar is pretty low, as I had zero savings last year because I’d spent most of it on the wedding and his immigration paperwork. I’m hoping that, now that I’m caught up on bills and have taken care of the replacements and the like, I’ll be able to do some more saving in these last few paychecks before summer shenanigans hit. fingers crossed!

self-validate more. this remains the one where I feel like I really maxed out early and I’ve been working on maintaining it—which is hilarious because, when I added it to this year’s goals, I 100% did not expect that I would ever really be able to say that I had succeeded in this. it has been a mark of how much I have grown in my understanding of myself and in my coping mechanisms that I am able to pull myself out of self-loathing puddles before beginning to spiral and that I can separate myself and my worth from mistakes that I’ve made. I’ve got my very last therapy appointment with Dr. S next week, though—so only time will tell if I can keep this up once I’m flying solo.

until the next time, y’all!

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thirty, treinta, trente.

a week ago yesterday, I headed out to afternoon tea at The Drake to celebrate my thirtieth birthday with my girls—the same amazing women who helped my wedding happen (with the exception of A, who had to work during our tea time). we had a chance to dress up and just relax with some tea and some treats, and then we went shopping and just had… a chill day, which is something I rarely have a chance to do.

I didn’t want to do anything big or flashy, you see—for a long time, I didn’t even think I would make it to 25, let alone 30.

for most of you, I don’t need to rehash what it’s like to live with mental illness, to wonder whether you’re going to make it through the next fifteen minutes, to try and figure out what the hell is wrong with you that you can’t seem to be an actual human being like everyone else. I was undiagnosed for so long that I managed to convince myself that I was just a complete disaster of a person—and trying to pretend otherwise felt really pointless.

but somehow, between therapy, my friends’ support, and sheer stubbornness? I’ve made it to my 30s, and I’m actually excited to see what happens next!

so, like any other self-respecting millennial, I came with a bucket list of sorts: my 30 for my 30s. I don’t know how this is going to go, seeing as I’m not great at long-term goals like that… but I figure, if there’s ever a time to try, it’s now. 🙂

we’ll see how it goes!

reflections, week 18

it has been a wild time around here, seeing as I’m officially in my thirties! also, this is the last week of my last class for my doctoral program—next up is the comprehensive exam this summer and then it’s dissertation time!

write something every day (except Shabbat). this was not amazing this past week, but the days I did write were really good! I wrote a fair amount and I am excited about the projects I’ve been working on, so I’m hoping this will be better next month!

be better about money. this continues to be pretty decent right now because I have a cushion thanks to that tax refund—I just need to keep a cushion so that things remain this easy moving forward! I will try to keep it together throughout May, but we’ll see how the summer goes…

self-validate more. having my work wife out on field trips and other meetings meant that I have had to do more stuff independently and validate my own work this past week—so I’m still doing well with this so far! recognizing that ADHD is a thing in my life and dealing with the things that are due to ADHD but I had previously considered personal failures has also gone a long way in this department. 🙂

until the next time, when things are hopefully less wild and I don’t have to be oh-so-brief!