reflections, week 10

hello from germlandia! I’m home sick for the second day in a row, which has been excellent time for me to reflect/stress about everything…

write something every day (except Shabbat). I haven’t kept up with typing up all that I’ve written longhand, but I’ve written most days! I did see someone on Twitter talk about how, instead of writing every day, we should be aiming to set up routines in which we can write productively and consistently… at some point, that will be my goal, but right now I’m just going to try to keep this writing thing going for now. I’ve also been uneven about keeping up with my bullet journal, which now seems like a good marker of how well/unwell I feel… more on that when I write my inevitable Q1 reflections on bullet journaling at the end of the month. 😉

be better about money. we’re halfway there now, in the sense that everything is being paid on time… but I dip into the red more often than not on the last few days before payday, which isn’t ideal. I’m hoping that, as soon as I get my tax refund, I can give myself a cushion in there and then continue paying everything on time (probably moving to auto pay!) without overdrafting myself. I’ve managed to get caught up on everything and my credit score has begun to recover from “depressed and broke!Elle” aka “summer Elle,” so we’re moving in the right direction.

self-validate more. I’ve realized that, for all that I’ve grown in this, I’m still seeking external validation/approval when it comes to sending responses (such as emails) that I’m nervous about, as well as whenever I have negative feelings about someone or something. I know that this is just the healing process after years of being gaslit—but sometimes it’s hard to realize that you have not made as much progress in learning to trust yourself again as you would have hoped. I think I’m going to ask my friends to remind me that I’m supposed to validate myself whenever I ask them to validate my response/feelings, so that way they are holding me accountable for not depending on them for it… we’ll see.

my two-classes-at-once term is ending this weekend, which is exciting and also frightening… next up, taking my last course before the research prep course, preparing for my comprehensive exam, and screaming into the void about my dissertation. I expect we’ll have more posts about grad school coming soon…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s